If 2013 was a ‘good year’, I guess 2014 was more my ‘normal’ kind of year.
I made it through January-March without too much trouble then relapsed quickly April through May.
I went in for hospital treatment at the end of May.
Yay, a few months of summer fun, June to October, except for an extortionately expensive dental visit.
I relapsed for the second time during November and December and went in to hospital for treatment the week before Christmas.
I became ill with a severe viral respiratory infection over Christmas and New Year which I have continued to suffer from in the first three weeks of January 2015.
2014 in summary, five months of trying to live a life, six months of variable relapse, two hospital treatments and one completely debilitating respiratory virus. My kinda ‘normal’.
This easy synopsis skates over the trauma of it all – losing the use of hands and arms, loss of vision, debilitating dizziness, pain, spasms, breathing problems, additional dependencies, dealing with hospital and doctors, time out for treatment and recovery, the consequential health issues from the side effects of medication, fending off ‘further investigations’ that doctors want to do, the personal isolation to avoid having to explain it all to well-meaning friends and family … yada, yada, yada.
As ever, when my health issues are combined with D’s work pressures, there really is no time to deal with anything else. So, for another year, we couldn’t fit in our much-needed house renovations. No holidays. No venturing away from London at all, in fact.
Luckily, this being our ‘norm’, we’ve got good at finding time for small treats, as and when possible – good food, dance, theatre, museums and so on.
What we are less good at is seeing friends and even family as people have busy diaries and, when you cannot schedule far ahead and aren’t sure how well you’ll be from one month to the next, it’s just not easy to co-ordinate meeting up. I think, as well, we are less good at inviting anyone to our home – mainly because of the pressure it puts D under – and few people we know have wheelchair accessible homes that we can visit with ease – even where the house is accessible, the bathrooms may not be so long travel times are a definite no.
But, that’s just how it is, I guess. No point worrying about what cannot be done and best let the angst of lapsed contact float away.
Out of necessity, both D and I have got much better at not sweating the small stuff. We do what we can when we can and keep focussed on trying to improve our quality of life rather than ramping up internal pressure by ‘failing’ to do what we feel we ‘should’ be doing.
Live and let live, do your best and take your pleasures where you are able. That’s our 2014 resolve which we will carry forward to 2015 … not quite sure when and how the much postponed, and dreaded, building project fits with this though. I shall simply hope that 2015 is a year offering more in the way of possibilities.